1. Registration is FREE! Please feel free to jump right on in, the water is a little frigid, but it warms up quickly!
    Dismiss Notice

How Fights Start

Discussion in 'Humor Talk' started by mworkman, Jul 14, 2010.

  1. mworkman

    mworkman Well-Known Member

    My wife sat down on the sofa next to me as I was flipping channels. She
    asked, "What's on TV?"

    I said, "Dust."

    And then the fight started....


    ******************************************

    My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in
    bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

    "No," she answered.

    I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes.."

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And then the fight started....



    ******************************************

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped
    quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the van, and proceeded to
    back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing at 40 mph, so I
    pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and learned that the
    weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I
    cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
    whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out
    fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started....


    ******************************************

    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
    slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
    get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
    believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at
    me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

    So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"


    And then the fight started....


    *****************************************

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
    said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started....


    ******************************************

    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
    Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
    verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
    home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
    and come back later.

    The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my
    curly silver hair. She said,

    "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed
    my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
    Security office.

    She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
    disability, too."

    And then the fight started....

    ******************************************

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
    staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
    table.

    My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

    "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
    right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
    sober since."

    "My God!" says my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating
    that long?"

    And then the fight started....
    ******************************************

    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order
    first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

    "Nah, she can order for herself."

    And then the fight started....

    ******************************************

    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy

    with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat
    and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

    The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

    And then the fight started
     
  2. Hunt22-250

    Hunt22-250 Scuba Steve

    This post is hidden to guests.
    To view this post, please log in.
    If you are not a member, you will need to sign up.
     
  3. RAWHIDE

    RAWHIDE asinus asinum fricat

    This post is hidden to guests.
    To view this post, please log in.
    If you are not a member, you will need to sign up.
     
  4. Droopy

    Droopy Well-Known Member

    This post is hidden to guests.
    To view this post, please log in.
    If you are not a member, you will need to sign up.
     
  5. ACBass

    ACBass Well-Known Member

    This post is hidden to guests.
    To view this post, please log in.
    If you are not a member, you will need to sign up.
     
  6. way2slickrick

    way2slickrick Ohhhhh Yeaaaa

    This post is hidden to guests.
    To view this post, please log in.
    If you are not a member, you will need to sign up.
     
  7. stlbluz

    stlbluz Well-Known Member

    This post is hidden to guests.
    To view this post, please log in.
    If you are not a member, you will need to sign up.
     
  8. Oscar

    Oscar Administrator

    This post is hidden to guests.
    To view this post, please log in.
    If you are not a member, you will need to sign up.
     
Loading...

Share This Page